Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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