"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
