Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
