First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
