He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
