he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
