Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Randomize
