Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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