I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
