I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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