I need help removing her.
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
