i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
