my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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