He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
