I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
