6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I pour the whiskey from now on
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
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