i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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