I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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