don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
