that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I touched a dick in church today
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
