I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
