I bet he comes in French.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
