I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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