Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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