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• (586): View more from Michigan

  Look at my ENTIRE past

  (586): View more from Michigan

  Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought

  (586): View more from Michigan

  Might as well have a blog about it at this point

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• (864): View more from South Carolina

  After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!

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• (801): View more from Utah

  so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me

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• (813): View more from Florida

  she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons

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• (617): View more from Massachusetts

  So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.

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• (604): View more from British Columbia

  i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS

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• (414): View more from Wisconsin

  I just Tebowed the shit out of her.

  (336): View more from North Carolina

  Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.

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• (505): View more from New Mexico

  Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?

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• (650): View more from California

  You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.

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• (401): View more from Rhode Island

  I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway

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• (423): View more from Tennessee

  Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.

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• (530): View more from California

  I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.

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• (630): View more from Illinois

  If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.

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• (360): View more from Washington

  I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.

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• (802): View more from Vermont

  All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.

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