Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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