I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
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