Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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