Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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