My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
