All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
