i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
