You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
