so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
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