i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Randomize
