ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
