i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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