I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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