Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
she looked like the before picture.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Randomize
