I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
