so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
