It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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