I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
