Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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