I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
