We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
