Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
