This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
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