every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Damn victory sex feels great
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Come on in and take your pants off
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