I wish I only lived at night.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
